yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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