My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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