My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
