Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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