Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
