It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
