I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
