ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
