If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
