this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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