(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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