I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
