part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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