Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
