My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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