I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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