The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
