Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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