omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
