Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
