I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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