That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
