i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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