eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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