if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What a dumb baby whore.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
