New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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