I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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