Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
