idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
