If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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