I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
