While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
