At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
