The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
