Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
