youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
