Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
