i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
