I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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