Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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