is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
