These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize