You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
