True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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