at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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