also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
