Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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