My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
