Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
