i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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