The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
