She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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