fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
