I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
