I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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