I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
