I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
