There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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