She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
