I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Randomize
