It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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