I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
