Fine. I'll sleep in my office
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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