I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
