so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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