i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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