i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
