you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
