I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
