My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
