K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
