he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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