Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
