i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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