lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
