At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Floor bacon is actually really good
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I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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