Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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