You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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